The "What" and "How" Skills of Mindfulness Practice

Mindfulness Handouts 4 and 5

So, we’ve got a working definition of what mindfulness is. Last week, we looked at how to differentiate between the three states of mind (emotion, reasonable, and wise mind) and what comprises each of them. This week, we will learn the skills for what mindfulness is and how to do them. 

According to DBT, the “what” skills are Observe, Describe, and Participate; the “how” skills are Non-Judgmentally, One-Mindfully, and Effectively

The “What” skills of mindfulness give us an idea of what exactly it is that we can do to be able to be in a mindful state. 

Observe

• Notice your bodily sensations. Utilize each of your senses to be able to fully observe what is happening to you. The five senses (sight, sound, smell, touch, and taste) are our most natural and most efficient way of engaging with the world. They are, truly, the gateway to a mindful experience. 

• Pay attention to the present moment. Notice what is happening around you without judging whether it should or shouldn’t be happening, and then describe it. 

• Practice the art of watching without words. Imagine your thoughts as being waves in the ocean. We never judge a wave for coming and going, nor do we judge what the wave carries to the beach. Apply this same analogy to your thoughts and feelings. 

Describe

• Put words on your experience without judging it. When you notice a feeling or thought coming into your awareness, master the skill simply by saying what it is. For example, if you’re feeling angry or sad, practice simply saying “I feel mad right now,” or “Sadness has just entered into my heart,”. Describing does not entail putting value or judgment on it. 

• I used to do an exercise with my group of clients where I would ask them to describe a painting that was on the wall in the group therapy room. I’d take note of things like “the house is brown,” or the “the grass is green,” and differentiate them from statements like “that’s a peaceful scene” or “that house is ugly” because those statements are not descriptions, they’re judgments. 

• Label what you observe, just like you would when putting labels on office supplies. Use only the words that describe what it is, not what it’s worth. We don’t label a staple as “UGLY STAPLER”, we simply write “STAPLER”. Do the same with your feelings. It’s “SADNESS”, not “the worst feeling ever” or “the stupidest feeling”. 

• Learn to differentiate interpretations or opinions from facts. Focus only on the facts; on the who, what, where, and when of the situations. Avoid the why or the “supposed to’s” 

Participate

• Throw yourself completely into activities of the current moment and be fully with it. Gently encourage yourself to come back if you get sidetracked. If you’re dancing, dance. If you’re cleaning, clean. If you’re gaming, game. 

• Act intuitively from a Wise Mind. Just like in IFS, if we are acting from a Wise Mind or from our genuine selves, we always know what the right thing to do is. Allow Wise Mind to guide your decisions. 

• Go with the flow and allow for spontaneity. Rigidity is the killer of passion, allow yourself to be fluid and present in whatever you’re doing. 

The “How” skills of mindfulness give as an idea of what exactly we can do in a given moment to take hold over our mind. 

To be mindful, we do things as non-judgmentally as possible. We learn how to see and evaluate, but not attribute good or bad, or right or wrong, to any behaviors we engage in. A master of mindfulness is able to acknowledge the difference between helpful and harmful and the safe from the dangerous, but we don’t assign judgment to them. If we can learn to take a scientific approach to our behaviors, rather than a moralistic approach to them, we can develop a relationship with them where we can change them without judgment on them or ourselves. A true mindfulness master also knows that even judging our judging is unhelpful. 

We also do things one-mindfully. Allow yourself to be riveted to the now by being completely present in a moment. Do one thing at a time, notice (not judge) when you are becoming distracted, and redirect yourself back to what you are doing, over and over and over again, until it gets easier to stay on track. As much as we like to believe it, very few humans (if any) are truly capable of multitasking. To be mindful, we must learn how to do one thing at a time. Maybe two, for those of us who have a hard time letting go of multitasking ;) 

Finally, to be fully mindful, we do things effectively. To be effective is to keep our goals in mind at all times and do what is necessary to achieve them now. Focus on what works, not what doesn’t work. Redirect away from what doesn’t work to what does work, without judgment. Let go of willfulness in favor of willingness. When I think of willfulness, I think of a child who does not want to go to bed. They will do anything in their power to avoid going to sleep. That is the opposite of willingness and the opposite of mindfulness. 

Next week, we will dive into other perspectives on what mindfulness is and how to practice it. Some of these skills are my favorites, so stay tuned!